Oma 1930-2010

She was a beautiful German woman who spoke English and Spanish and relished Chinese food. She loved the color green, poetry and naps in the afternoon. She collected buttons and painted beautiful flowers with watercolors. She treated me like a daughter, and welcomed each new grandchild with the love and enthusiasm that marks a person who values life. Her faith was an inspiration to many, and the reason her children walk with God. Always ready for a good political discussion, Oma would engage whoever would be willing in a lively discussion about the issues of the day. She taught Emma how to cut a carrot, how to set a table, and how to sew a sock. She taught me how to make cole slaw, how to be more thrifty, how to be hospitable. She taught Ken how to work, and he is now teaching our boys how to work. Her hands were never idle, and our home is blessed with the beautiful rugs she made out of what others deemed rags. All were welcome at her table and Saturday hamburgers were a delicious tradition. She was the center of every family gathering, and always made sure we started with prayer.

Life will not be the same without her. From the time my kids have been able to walk, they have all marched down to Oma's to find something interesting to do. And they were never disappointed. She's been a friend and a mother, and I will miss the way she doted on me. One look in my eyes and she could tell if I was feeling under the weather, or sad, or just tired. I will miss our conversations about God and faith. I will miss her smile and her soft, warm cheek. I wish I could have kissed it one last time.

I love you, Oma. Enjoy your well-deserved rest with your heavenly Father.

Sarah

She talks to me. Not with words, but with a turn of the head, a raised eyebrow, the stiffening of her little body, a cry. I'm certain the others must have talked to me, too. But this time, I think I'm a better listener. Last night she told me she wanted a bath, not a meal. This morning, at 5 am, when I really just wanted to lay my head down on my pillow, she told me it was time to play, with her gigantic toothless smile and a body turned toward the doorway of my bedroom. So downstairs we went, to enjoy each other's quiet company before the bustle of the day. She is a wonderful communicator, and there is very little crying throughout the day, if I slow down long enough to be a good listener. 10 weeks old now, and these are the things I love about her:

**she wakes up happy, ready for smiles and pleasant conversation

** she saves her best stories for her Papa

**she has the most gorgeous rolls on her little legs

**her head smells like heaven

**she adores her brothers and sister

**she pedals her feet like crazy when she's excited

**she has found her hands, and sucks them, looks at them and bops herself in the face with them, with utmost concentration and joy

**she snuggles

**she sleeps (at least at night and when we are home!)

** she no longer screams in the car

**her sweet, sweaty little hands

I find myself lingering over her crib when she's taking an extra long nap, snuggling with her before laying her down in her crib at night, even enjoying the early morning quiet times we share in spite of the lack of sleep it means for me....what a blessing!

Getting to know her...

Only 7 weeks old, and already Sarah has enormous personality. Big eyes, looking surprised and delighted all the time, wander around the room, from face to face, and light up with the smile that erupts when she spies another smiling face looking her way. She loves people, and will carry on conversations with Ken that make even me jealous. Just a few short weeks ago, water on skin made her scream, but now bath time is a favorite part of her routine. I can finally tell the difference between hunger cry and tired cry, and she has fallen into a nice rhythm of naps and awake time, with very little crying in between. The car seat is not her favorite place to be, and bumpy car rides make her startle and cry over....and over...and over.

She likes when Emma sings to her.

She straightens out her body real stiff when she wants you to pick her up.

Loud noises make her cry.

I am enjoying getting to know this new little person.

So Thankful

Feeling thankful today, I will try to put words to thoughts and feelings...

My dear friend kept reminding me during those most uncomfortable and wearisome last days of pregnancy that a month from then it would all seem like a dream. And that's where I find myself today. Nearly 4 weeks since the day Sarah was born, already, and it does seem rather dream like to remember those days before she was born. And for that, I am thankful. For dear friends who remind me of truth, I am also thankful. For naptimes and helpful children and a loving husband who lays down his life for his family, I am thankful. For a God who draws near to me as I draw near to Him, I am thankful.
For songs that become a life raft in stormy seas, I am thankful.

Can I lie here in Your arms, Can I lie here in your arms,

My only calm is You, save me....

My only thought is You, save me...

My happiness is You, save me....

It's on David Crowder Band's album Church Music. The first Sunday I was home with Sarah, and exhausted and battling anxiety, I lay on the couch with Sarah sleeping on my chest, while the rest of the family was at church, and felt such peace as I listened to that song. Truly, my only calm is Him. I will always remember that day as special--me and Sarah, in the presence of God.

So many things to be thankful for. So many blessings to count. And Christmas around the corner. The Reason to be thankful. The Reason we are blessed. I look forward to celebrating His birth this year even more than ever.

Almost 2 weeks!

And so, almost 2 weeks later, I am just beginning to get to know this new little person. If she had her way she and I would lounge around on the couch all day, eating and sleeping while the world swirls around us. Naps during the day do not come easy for her...way too much going on in this house of 8. But nighttimes are wonderful--she settles in for the night around 9 or 10 pm, and sleeps for 3 hours or so between feedings. No fussing, just peace. She becomes very animated when brothers and sister talk to her. Lots of open mouth tongue waggling, as if she wants to talk back. Her big eyes zoom around the room as if she wants to take in everything at once, and our afternoon walks outside are soothing for both she and I. I wrap her up in the Moby wrap and we enjoy the fresh air. Juggling the needs of 6 children is proving to be a challenge, especially when trying to keep the world as normal as possible for the 2 year old, once baby, now big brother. But we are settling in, and I have found I can nurse a baby, play "guys" with Matt, and listen to big sister all at once! As a side note, I must say I just do not have the right sound effects to play army guys. If you could have seen the look Matthew gave me when I tried to make machine gun noises. He actually laughed out loud and told me "that's not right". I get points for trying. You'd think I'd have it down now afer 4 boys....
The newborn period has never been an easy one for me. But God has been so near during these last few, difficult weeks. His peace is a whispered prayer away.

I've been delivered! (And so has Sarah B!)

I've been trying for days to figure out where to start on this whole birth story. So many little details I don't want to forget (or would like to record for posterity's sake, and then quickly forget..). From the middle of my pregnancy on I was determined to go into labor feeling strong, confident, full of faith and believing that fear had no place in this labor process I was heading toward. I read books about deliveries where women were laughing rather than screaming, where women actually had painless labors and I really was excited to see how God might work some of those wonderful things out for me. My reality was slightly different, because, ironically, I experienced the most fear and anxiety at the end of this pregnancy than I had ever before. I have never had to fight so hard for peace in all my life. Second by second at times needing to lift my eyes to God for the strength necessary to do the next thing. And so, after many sleepless nights, on the morning of Wednesday November 4, I started walking...and praying. I was determined that this baby would not spend another whole day inside of my body. Contractions came and went throughout the morning, like they had been for days. I tried napping, but the contractions only became stronger--sleep was ever elusive. At about 2pm, the contractions changed to be more regular, a little stronger, and by 2:30 pm I called Ken and the Birth Center. I had a feeling this was it. We arrived at the Birth Center at around 4:15 pm, at which time my contractions slowed and nearly stopped..too many people watching, and monitors make me nervous. When the midwife checked my progress at around 5, I was only 4cm, and not totally effaced, which was, to say the least, scary and discouraging. Looking at the clock, I started to become anxious again. How long would this last? So I made my request known to God (so that His peace would guard my heart and mind...) Could we be done by 8pm? I can hold out til then. And there I left it. As I continued walking, the contractions came more steadily. As long as the nurses left me alone, things seemed to move along nicely. And then, at around 7 or so, the contractions became almost overwhelming. I started asking about pain medication. I needed Ken to rub my back. A little while later I was having contractions that didn't seem to end....another would begin before the first one ended. These were the most intense contractions I've ever had. Another request, mumbled out loud, "God, I need a break." And then, it was time to push. I told Ken he better find a nurse. They came in the room, and I could hear the doubt in their voices. It was too soon... And then, the break I had requested. The contractions slowed, and pushing brought relief. Sarah was born at 7:29 pm, a full half hour before the time I had prayed about. And all the time I spent praying during labor created a very peaceful environment in the room. One nurse told me I inspired her to have another baby, I made it look so easy. The midwife kissed my cheek. And there she was, our Baby 6. Perfect and beautiful and....what sweet relief!

fear vs faith

The pedulum swings back and forth between fear and faith...at any given moment I find myself faced with the fact that any day now I could be experiencing some of the worst pain of my life, and then fighting to swing back to faith, which tells me I can do anything when God is with me, because He gives me strength. I'm thankful that this time I spend more time on the faith end of the swing, but the fear continues to sneak in. If I could fast forward to that moment when baby has finally been born and the euphoria I feel once all is done, I would. But I wonder, would it be the same without all the work before hand? Probably not. And so, I will continue to resist fear, and rest in the peace God has for me. Looking forward to the moment I'll see this little one's face, hear her cry, hold her close.

Now, if I could just get her to stop sitting on my spine....