Experimenting...

I have always been of the opinion that it's better in the long run when a child can own a good decision rather than be forced into it. For instance, there have been times when a young one of mine did not want to give someone else a turn with a toy. In those instances, I usually give my child a chance to do the right thing on their own, rather than force them to give away the toy. I do this because I think it will mean more and do more good for my child if they get to own that good feeling they get when they share with a willing and (mostly) cheerful heart. Being forced to share and take turns won't produce those happy feelings, and may even cultivate even more stinginess, in my opinion. So I will talk with the child, encourage the child to share or take turns, and most of the time they will make the right decision on their own, and feel good about it.

So, that being said, today I decided that there are times when it is ok to take the decision making out of their hands. You see, I want my children to learn to wake up with an attitude of, "How can I make this day great for others?" Rather than, "How can I make my day great for me?" Or even worse, "How can Mom make this day great for me?" I have been at a loss for how to try to make this happen until this morning's walk and prayer time. Here's my plan: I am going to establish 2 hours of every day as "not about me time" for each of the children. During this time they may not tell me how bored they are, or that there's nothing to do. They may not ask me to watch tv or play video games or to even play a game with them. They are responsible to do something for someone else--play with a younger sibling (and games that the younger sibling would like!), do an extra job for mom or dad, walk the dog (caring for our animals is Godly, says so in the Bible!), write a letter or make a picture for a far away loved one, etc. My hope is that as they get into the habit of intentionally putting others first, it will become part of the fabric of their being. It's an experiment, I admit. But it beats the alternative--encourage, lecture, nag--which isn't working, anyway.
Another experiment, with credit going to the Duggers (the family with 17! children): Today I paired up the kids as cleaning buddies, and gave each team 4 spaces to clean. In an hour the house and yard were looking picked up enough for me to relax in, and the kids did a great job working together. Since Daniel was busy cleaning, he wasn't fighting with Matthew, and since Jon was his cleaning buddy he wasn't fighting with Emma, either. If I did that once or twice a week, I could, perhaps, keep my sanity for a little while longer... And there was still plenty of time to get a full day of school in, a play date and a hike with loved ones to enjoy the beautiful October air and colors.