Getting to know her...

Only 7 weeks old, and already Sarah has enormous personality. Big eyes, looking surprised and delighted all the time, wander around the room, from face to face, and light up with the smile that erupts when she spies another smiling face looking her way. She loves people, and will carry on conversations with Ken that make even me jealous. Just a few short weeks ago, water on skin made her scream, but now bath time is a favorite part of her routine. I can finally tell the difference between hunger cry and tired cry, and she has fallen into a nice rhythm of naps and awake time, with very little crying in between. The car seat is not her favorite place to be, and bumpy car rides make her startle and cry over....and over...and over.

She likes when Emma sings to her.

She straightens out her body real stiff when she wants you to pick her up.

Loud noises make her cry.

I am enjoying getting to know this new little person.

So Thankful

Feeling thankful today, I will try to put words to thoughts and feelings...

My dear friend kept reminding me during those most uncomfortable and wearisome last days of pregnancy that a month from then it would all seem like a dream. And that's where I find myself today. Nearly 4 weeks since the day Sarah was born, already, and it does seem rather dream like to remember those days before she was born. And for that, I am thankful. For dear friends who remind me of truth, I am also thankful. For naptimes and helpful children and a loving husband who lays down his life for his family, I am thankful. For a God who draws near to me as I draw near to Him, I am thankful.
For songs that become a life raft in stormy seas, I am thankful.

Can I lie here in Your arms, Can I lie here in your arms,

My only calm is You, save me....

My only thought is You, save me...

My happiness is You, save me....

It's on David Crowder Band's album Church Music. The first Sunday I was home with Sarah, and exhausted and battling anxiety, I lay on the couch with Sarah sleeping on my chest, while the rest of the family was at church, and felt such peace as I listened to that song. Truly, my only calm is Him. I will always remember that day as special--me and Sarah, in the presence of God.

So many things to be thankful for. So many blessings to count. And Christmas around the corner. The Reason to be thankful. The Reason we are blessed. I look forward to celebrating His birth this year even more than ever.

Almost 2 weeks!

And so, almost 2 weeks later, I am just beginning to get to know this new little person. If she had her way she and I would lounge around on the couch all day, eating and sleeping while the world swirls around us. Naps during the day do not come easy for her...way too much going on in this house of 8. But nighttimes are wonderful--she settles in for the night around 9 or 10 pm, and sleeps for 3 hours or so between feedings. No fussing, just peace. She becomes very animated when brothers and sister talk to her. Lots of open mouth tongue waggling, as if she wants to talk back. Her big eyes zoom around the room as if she wants to take in everything at once, and our afternoon walks outside are soothing for both she and I. I wrap her up in the Moby wrap and we enjoy the fresh air. Juggling the needs of 6 children is proving to be a challenge, especially when trying to keep the world as normal as possible for the 2 year old, once baby, now big brother. But we are settling in, and I have found I can nurse a baby, play "guys" with Matt, and listen to big sister all at once! As a side note, I must say I just do not have the right sound effects to play army guys. If you could have seen the look Matthew gave me when I tried to make machine gun noises. He actually laughed out loud and told me "that's not right". I get points for trying. You'd think I'd have it down now afer 4 boys....
The newborn period has never been an easy one for me. But God has been so near during these last few, difficult weeks. His peace is a whispered prayer away.

I've been delivered! (And so has Sarah B!)

I've been trying for days to figure out where to start on this whole birth story. So many little details I don't want to forget (or would like to record for posterity's sake, and then quickly forget..). From the middle of my pregnancy on I was determined to go into labor feeling strong, confident, full of faith and believing that fear had no place in this labor process I was heading toward. I read books about deliveries where women were laughing rather than screaming, where women actually had painless labors and I really was excited to see how God might work some of those wonderful things out for me. My reality was slightly different, because, ironically, I experienced the most fear and anxiety at the end of this pregnancy than I had ever before. I have never had to fight so hard for peace in all my life. Second by second at times needing to lift my eyes to God for the strength necessary to do the next thing. And so, after many sleepless nights, on the morning of Wednesday November 4, I started walking...and praying. I was determined that this baby would not spend another whole day inside of my body. Contractions came and went throughout the morning, like they had been for days. I tried napping, but the contractions only became stronger--sleep was ever elusive. At about 2pm, the contractions changed to be more regular, a little stronger, and by 2:30 pm I called Ken and the Birth Center. I had a feeling this was it. We arrived at the Birth Center at around 4:15 pm, at which time my contractions slowed and nearly stopped..too many people watching, and monitors make me nervous. When the midwife checked my progress at around 5, I was only 4cm, and not totally effaced, which was, to say the least, scary and discouraging. Looking at the clock, I started to become anxious again. How long would this last? So I made my request known to God (so that His peace would guard my heart and mind...) Could we be done by 8pm? I can hold out til then. And there I left it. As I continued walking, the contractions came more steadily. As long as the nurses left me alone, things seemed to move along nicely. And then, at around 7 or so, the contractions became almost overwhelming. I started asking about pain medication. I needed Ken to rub my back. A little while later I was having contractions that didn't seem to end....another would begin before the first one ended. These were the most intense contractions I've ever had. Another request, mumbled out loud, "God, I need a break." And then, it was time to push. I told Ken he better find a nurse. They came in the room, and I could hear the doubt in their voices. It was too soon... And then, the break I had requested. The contractions slowed, and pushing brought relief. Sarah was born at 7:29 pm, a full half hour before the time I had prayed about. And all the time I spent praying during labor created a very peaceful environment in the room. One nurse told me I inspired her to have another baby, I made it look so easy. The midwife kissed my cheek. And there she was, our Baby 6. Perfect and beautiful and....what sweet relief!

fear vs faith

The pedulum swings back and forth between fear and faith...at any given moment I find myself faced with the fact that any day now I could be experiencing some of the worst pain of my life, and then fighting to swing back to faith, which tells me I can do anything when God is with me, because He gives me strength. I'm thankful that this time I spend more time on the faith end of the swing, but the fear continues to sneak in. If I could fast forward to that moment when baby has finally been born and the euphoria I feel once all is done, I would. But I wonder, would it be the same without all the work before hand? Probably not. And so, I will continue to resist fear, and rest in the peace God has for me. Looking forward to the moment I'll see this little one's face, hear her cry, hold her close.

Now, if I could just get her to stop sitting on my spine....

Happy Birthday, Emma!

8 years ago, Ken and I were blessed to finally hold our Emma, our girl. What a delightful and refreshing influence she has had on this household of boys! So motherly to the youngest, ever helpful, and she doesn't miss ANYTHING! Soon to be big sister to a little sister, and so excited to share her room with her sister. Ken and I feel so blessed, so rich. Thank you Lord, for sending us our Emma.

Goodbye, Again

I'm convinced now that September's beautiful weather was just for Oma. She left yesterday, and the weather seems to be mourning her departure as much as we are. I've been caught off guard by how easily the tears flow this year when I think that it will be almost a whole year before we see Oma and Grandpa again. I'm sure the pregnancy hormones don't help. The children and I have enjoyed the free flow between our houses, like they are extensions of one another. Even Matthew was in the habit of saying, "Me down Oma's" as he marched down the driveway, alone, at times. He loves helping "jampa" make a "hot" in the woodstove.

We already miss them.

I'm alive!

I'm here. I'm just finding it hard to put anything into words during this season of waiting and preparing. 5 weeks to go. If I could make it all happen today, I probably would.....

Book review, school review

Just finished reading a very entertaining book called Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy. Dubbed "America's Worst Mom" by the media a year ago or so for allowing her 9 year old son to navigate his way back home, all by himself, from Bloomingdales (they live in NY City) using public transportation, she decided to write a book to encourage parents to stop making decisions based in fear and hysteria, and start giving their kids the same freedoms that they grew up with. Walking to school, playing on the playground (unsupervised!), staying home alone, bike rides, trips to the store...she includes the real statistics on how likely it is your child is to be abducted by a stranger (1 in 1.5 million), crime rates (going down), and explains how the media is to blame for some of the fear and hysteria we battle. Loved this book---it even includes steps to take to become more "Free Range". Very funny.

Week two of homeschool is going almost smoothly. Big guys are doing great....medium gal needs a little help...little ones fight like cats and dogs....but in all---I'm finding it is doable. And I'm learning to delegate...alot! The chores I picked for the kids to do are the ones that take up most of my time--vaccuming, dishes, bathroom cleaning. Which frees me up to do more reading with children, playing and .....sitting (come on, I'm 8 months pregnant!) And this chorus from a song I love is helping me keep my perspective:

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship.

This is a somewhat challenging season in my life. And I'm thankful for the Reason I have to sing.

And so it begins...

another school year. In spite of feeling unprepared and scatter brained, I made up a short schedule for each of the kids. Everyone has done some math, handwriting, and reading. Andrew a little more. And within 5 minutes of beginning I was having the, "I will not fight with you--I will send you to school where you can fight with your teacher..." conversation. It's with fear and trembling that I begin this school year. Keeping track of grades 10, 5, 3 and K...with toddler to occupy and newborn on the way...I can honestly say I'm not sure how to do it. How it's going to work. If it's going to work. One day at a time, right?

Fun with the Fam

Two whole fun-filled, sleep deprived, pool swimmin', lucky charm eatin', berry pickin', hair cuttin', shop til you drop weeks can be summed up in these pics....which are worth a thousand words, or so they say...

What a blast!

I can almost smell the lilac in this picture...can't you? I find myself in a season of breathing deeply--savoring the brief moments I have of rest, His rest, and strangely refreshed in the midst of endless need. I'm so grateful for His love, and strength, without which life would just end. Grateful for friends and family who lend a helping hand. And this verse is a lifeline today:

"Don't be afraid," he said, "for you are very precious to God. Peace! Be encouraged! Be strong!"

Daniel 10:19

I am encouraged. And I find His peace every time I look for it.

Tears can be cleansing. And weariness leads us to His rest.

In the early days...

I used to listen to a music group called Harvest, and they used to sing a song called In the Early Days. It was all about how in the early days of our christianity we are enthusiastic and energetic and passionate. I found myself humming that tune today--as I thought about all the things I used to do to keep my house clean that have fallen to the wayside with each new family addition. Strange connection, I know. So, in the early days....

I would scrub the siding at the front entrance of the house a couple times a year to take care of the spider poo, webs and coccoons. Not done yet....

I would wash the walls in every room with water and bleach to disinfect, brighten, and deodorize, at least twice a year. This year...well....

I would mop my kitchen floor once a week. Now I'm lucky to mop once a month.

I would scrub the inside of my fridge every couple of weeks or so. At this point things could possibly be growing in there and I wouldn't know it.

I would dust weekly. Now I dust before company.

This is helpful, however in pointing out all the jobs I could now add to the list of ways to keep bored children busy over summer vacation. If I've said it once I've said it a hundred times---find something to do! And teasing your brother doesn't count!

I admit a lack of enthusiasm, energy and passion for keeping my house clean. But something is stirring--maybe it's early nesting.

Fun times at the creek with Andrew

What little person does not love to play in the water? This little creek is the boundary line of our property. We can hear it from our bedroom windows, and it's a source of fun and adventure for all of the kids. Andrew took the two youngest to the creek the other day while I was working...

Sometimes the best kinds of fun are free!

Ultrasounds

Ultrasounds are amazing. They are the ultimate curiosity cure. Everyone wants to know what's inside a pretty package--how much more to know what's inside our own bodies. So I watched the screen showing me the profile of my baby, still inside my body. The legs folded up so the toes touched the head! Moving this way and that, perhaps to escape that thing that keeps pressing down. (I admit a little guilt at putting this little helpless one through such invasion.) Everything looks great, barring a slight placenta previa that will probably move before it becomes an issue.

And we will probably be having a girl! That's what the evidence (or lack thereof) seems to indicate. The tech was not 100% confident, but fairly certain. I'm no expert--but she sure does look like a little girl.

Bring on the pink! :>)

A play date

When Andrew was little, we spent lots of time with Dee and her little ones at the time: Hannah, Cotter and Jacob. As they got older we had fun with homeschool projects and game days and such. Now, there is a new batch of kiddos to grow in friendship. Today, Dan and Bannon had a play date. As I watched them play and chatter back and forth, I got teary. What a blessing to have friends to grow up with. I can't believe Dan is at the age where he's ready for more purposeful social interaction. Up til now, just going with the flow as older siblings visited and played with cousins and friends had been enough. But he's ready to forge his own friendships now. And so.....

The Gang (minus Jon who was already too cold to stay in)

Swim away from Chris--"the shark"

Yeah, they are cool..is Dan checking out the biceps?

Bannnon can go underwater

and it only takes a second to recuperate :>)

drying off with Choc Chip Banana Muffins

No play date is complete without defeating Darth Maul

You know, it's funny. They speak the same language. They laugh at each other's jokes. As they saw the other kids walking up the driveway, Bannon says," Whoa. At least it's not my mom. That would be bad." Dan agreed, "Yeah, real bad." :>)

And just because they are beautful.....

I do love a yard full...and pool... full of kids. I really do.

Let's ride the roller coaster!

It may sound strange, but with each pregnancy it gets easier and easier to forget, for hours at a time, that I am pregnant. And suddenly, like a wave crashing over me, I remember that there is a little person inside my body! I don't think that realization gets any less amazing the more pregnancies I go through. There's no mistaking those little flutters, kicks and punches for stomach rumbles anymore. They remind me to pray, to plan, to look to the future of this new little one. He or she will be 15 years younger than my oldest. She won't even start school until after Andrew has graduated high school! I can get overwhelmed by the long range outlook...another labor to go through!!!....2-3 more years of diapers....temper tantrums....18 more years of homeschooling....



Whoa, there, brain. One day at a time. And then I remind myself of the squishy little bundle I get to hold and love and feed and sing to. The tenderness that blossoms in the boys as they hold this cute little person. (It's always there in Emma). The destiny represented by this soul, loved, and called by God into existence. It's truly amazing that God allows us to be part of His creation in this way.



Pregnancy is a roller coaster ride....ups and downs and terrifying and exciting and sickening and exhilerating and oh so much more fun when you're sitting next to a friend. Anybody care to join me?

Hi-ho, hi-ho....it's off to work I go

I haven't said too much about my job as breastfeeding peer counselor lately, but it's very much on my mind this morning because today I will teach a pre-natal breastfeeding class. My objective is to make such a convincing case for breastfeeding that one or two expectant moms will consider it as an option. I have half an hour to cover how our bodies make milk through how to breastfeed discreetly in public. I'm a bit nervous. I don't want to come off as too teachy, too official. I also don't want to sound like a bumbling idiot. Somewhere in the middle would be nice.
Over the last few months I have contacted many, many new and expectant moms. I've brought to life the lending library and have taken over the breast pump loan program. I've planned two breastfeeding support groups for the end of this month, and I'm planning a breastfeeding awareness fair for the first week in August. In July I will take a week long course to become a Lactation Consultant. I still love this job. And it seems to love me. At least that's what my boss tells me! I'm thankful today for God's leading hand, and direction. It's not something I ever would have seen myself doing. But God surprises us with joy, sometimes. (Isn't that a title of a CS Lewis book?)

Rant, part two

And while I'm ranting...I've about had it with the chicken pox now. It's been long enough in isolation--
There. I feel better.

A bit of a rant

Did you know that NY is one of the least friendly homeschooling states, and one of the most regulated? Did you know our local school district denied the request by two homeschooled seniors to take part in the graduation ceremony? They're not asking for a diploma from the school--just an opportunity to walk the aisle and get the diploma they earned from their parents. How hard would it be to give them their 30 seconds? I know foreign exchange students have taken part in the grad. ceremony. How is this much different? I just don't understand the flat out hostility this school district shows toward homeschoolers. When we ask to do something, they hide behind the regulations. I just want to know why they don't want our participation. We pay our school taxes. We are active in our communities. What harm is there to let a student come play the trumpet in the band, walk the aisle at graduation, or play 3rd base on the softball team? Is it fear of competition? Fear a homeschooled student will take a school attendee's position? The funny thing is, we could enroll our children tomorrow and that competition would be there anyway. We have to report to the school on our progress. The Superintendent has the authority to vouch for the adequacy of our program. We are compelled to be connected to the school system, but shunned from any activities they offer.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Pox Man--

Covered in pink goo--can you see all the pox? I think he's even more covered than Emma was!

The pox

First--I feel like I should apologize for having the same music play over and over forever on this space. Everytime I go to change it, I realize how much I really like it. Really.

So, we are a almost a week deep in pox, and so far the worst case was Emma. Daniel had only a few pox and they are almost all scabbed now. Jon and Matt popped out with pox yesterday--and both of them already have a worse case than Daniel. Matthew has not complained of itching yet--though I've seen him scratching his head--there's a huge pox there. Armed with caladryl, benadryl, and ibuprofen for fevers and sore throats, we're actually doing very well, considering. In fact, this weekend we still managed to plant our vegetable garden and get some cleaning done at Oma's. (They return tomorrow!) Plan for today--pox people to doc for documentation of their pox (in case they ever go to public school), last touches at Oma's, and itch patrol...

Here's Daniel with his one bad pox...the rest were tiny and there were only about 10 of them.

Jon has quite a few more than Daniel--you can just make out one about an inch from the corner of his mouth. He's very itchy...

Emma wins the prize....

she was covered from head to toe....

Matthew refused to be photographed...like any toddler he loves the camera any other time than when you actually want to take a picture of him!

Pickin' up the pace

Ok, so the thing about giving yourself permission to take it slow on one day, is that the pile-up phenomenon is unavoidable. With 7 people living in a house, the clutter can be overwhelming unless you keep on top of it everyday. Which I did not do yesterday. And have done very little of today. I think it's time to call in the troops...as in the 5 people out of those 7 who are doing most of the cluttering.

Takin' it slow

After a day of festivities celebrating a 5 year birthday, and a poor night's sleep due to sweaty, overtired boys needing much attention in the night, I'm moving rather slowly today. And to top it all off, I'm still wrestling with pregnancy exhaustion and nausea, both of which seem amplified by my lack of sleep last night. You would think at 16 weeks I'd be done with nausea--but I'm wondering if I'm feeling my age with this one. Pregnant at 37 is much different than pregnant at 34. You wouldn't think so, though, would you? However, I'm rather enjoying the slow pace today. Most other days it would annoy me...but I've cuddled with the youngest, enjoyed 2 cups of tea (mostly to warm myself up), helped a couple children along with schoolwork, read a couple chapters in a book (College-Prep Homeschooling), done some dishes, and basically just puttered around the house. Giving myself permission to take it slow has been such a relief. Next big thing to conquer--dinner, then early bed for still tired children, and, hopefully, early bed for still tired Mama.

On one shoulder, the figure with horns and tail shouts to me,

"Go ahead and eat whatever you want! You're going to get fat anyway! May as well enjoy it!"

On the other shoulder, the figure with wings and halo shouts,

"Don't do it! You know how hard those pounds are to lose after baby is born!"

Not sure who's going to win the war...but the guy with the horns is winning the battle today!

:>)

Real Pleasures

Andrew is reading The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis, and so I've been stealing the book from time to time to enjoy it again. I've read it twice before, but it's been many years, and it is so much fun to read. It's a "real pleasure" for me to read this book, and just about any book I pick up. I love chapter 13, when Wormwood mistakenly "allows" his patient to read a book he enjoys--just for the sake of enjoyment, and not to impress or make clever remarks to others. And then his patient goes for a walk, through the country, alone, to have tea...and winds up becoming inaccessible because of the cloud of God's presence that surrounds him. His uncle Screwtape admonishes him,

"How can you have failed to see that a real pleasure was the last thing you ought to have let him meet? Didn't you foresee that it would just kill by contrast all the trumpery which you have been so laboriously teaching him to value? And that sort of pleasure which the book and the walk gave him was the most dangerous of all? That it would peel off from his sensibility the kind of crust you have been forming on it, and make him feel that he was coming home, recovering himself? As a preliminary to detaching him from the Enemy, you wanted to detach him from himself, and had made some progress in doing so. Now, all that is undone. Of course, I know that the Enemy also wants to detach men from themselves, but in a different way. Remember always, that He really likes the little vermin, and sets an absurd value on the distinctness of every one of them. When he talks of their losing themselves, He only means abandoning the clamor of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever. Hence, while He is delighted to see them sacrificing even their innocent wills to His, He hates to see them drifting away from their own nature for any other reason."

Many times I have felt like I'm coming home, or recovering myself, after partaking in what would be called a "real pleasure". For me, reading a book, visiting a friend, walking the property with my husband, competing on a team sport, traveling and teaching a group of preschoolers are some such pleasures. I wind up feeling closer to God, and more like myself when I've allowed myself time to do these things. It's kind of weird, because these are not spiritual things, but I think it's a key to abundant living--when we are true to who God has made us, wholly His, and walking through life as the "me" He made us to be.

Happy Hogs make Happy Hams!

The latest happening here on the B family hill is our beautiful new pig pen with 2 little pigs inside. Ken and the boys worked long and hard on the building and fence, and the end result is pretty, and functional. Ken and Jon actually made the fence posts by cutting down some small black locust trees and stripping the bark. They looked like pioneers...Then Ken pounded them in the ground with a borrowed pounder.

The first thing the kids want to do in the morning is go and feed the pigs...which is why we were outside at 8:30 am!

Emma has named one of them Wilbur. I hope that is not a foreshadowing of what's to come. I thought his name should be "Pork". "Pig" and "Pork" are good names, no? They are, after all, destined to be on our dinner table.

It's hard to see the pigs because of the angle of the sun, but they are in there, enjoying some pig feed. They've made a little nest for themselves in the hay on the right.

Sassy thinks we brought her home some "toys". You should hear her whine and bark, desperate to get in there and terrorize the pigs. Thankfully, she can't get in there and roll in the pig poo!

We will be sending them to the butcher when the weather gets cool again. We will keep one, and sell the other. Anyone interested?

Negligent tooth fairy

Jon lost a tooth last night. We decided that he should still put it under his pillow, in spite of the fact that the tooth fairy has not come to leave anything under his pillow for any of his other teeth. I was determined that she would not forget this time. But, alas, this morning, the sad routine was repeated:

Jon enters the room excitedly, holding something in his hand. "Mom, guess what the tooth fairy brought me!"....Pause.... "Nothing!" Big grin.

I forgot again! I am the world's worst tooth fairy. But this morning I decided she was just a little late. "Put the tooth back under your pillow, Jon, she's probably just running late."

The tooth fairy brought him a dollar while he was eating breakfast. I only used to get a quarter--but she's probably trying to make up for all those teeth she never came to collect!

Did I forget to mention?

It occurred to me later on yesterday, that I nonchalantly mentioned I'm pregnant in my last post, but some of you would be hearing that for the first time. And then I read the comments and laughed. Yes, I'm pregnant...with #6! I believe I may be somewhere around 9-11 wks, but will need the help of midwife and technology I think to narrow it down further. First visit to the midwife is on April 7. And I am more nauseous and tired with this one than any other pregancy. The kids are excited...mostly...and Emma has set her heart on a girl. Pray for me! I know many have had even more children than me, and still have their sanity, but.....

Dissection Day

A pregnant woman's dream....the formaldehyde aroma, the mouthwatering look at the internal organs of a crayfish, the sound of scissor through exoskeleton, and did I mention the formaldehyde aroma? Homeschooling at it's best.....and worst? :>)

The whirlwind...

That's what my step-father used to call me when I was a teenager. So busy with school and sports and play rehearsals and youth group, I'd be home just long enough to gulp a meal and hit the bed, then off Id go again. This past week has been a bit of a whirlwind...of babysitting, preschool teaching, phone call making, homeschooling...and very little house cleaning, as would be evident if you were to drop in unexpectedly (which, FYI, is always a day brightener for me!) However, I did manage to get in two work outs so far this week...week 4 on the couch to 5K. I'm a little off schedule because for a couple of weeks I decided to hibernate instead of run, and then I got stuck on week 3 for a while...but I'm back on track now, and jogging 16 minutes out of 20! According to the paper that's about a mile and a half, but my jogging pace is so slow, I'm not so sure. Tuesday was rough, but with some encouragement from an unexpected fellow jogger, I made it through. Today I actually got through 5 minutes of jogging without stopping---twice! (and most of that is mentally telling myself no, you won't die, yes, you can do this). I never regret running, and I'm confident the long term benefits of this regular exercise will be both health to the body and pleasing to my eyes...and my husband's! :>)
Now if I could just schedule in a nice 3 mile walk with a dear, dear friend on my off-jogging days, my exercise routine would be perfect!

Boy vs Tractor

On Sunday afternoon, Daniel was riding on the back of the tractor, and his foot slipped and was twisted by the wheel. One trip to the emergency room later, with a Dr. appointment today to follow up and ....

Daniel is sportin' some new footwear....

Stylish, no?

Not broken, (they think, though after round 2 of x-rays there was a questionable spot) just badly sprained. So, for 3 weeks he will wear "the boot". No one can say my life is boring.....

:>)

Cobwebs

The cobwebs run rampant in my house. I just don't see them. But they drive Ken crazy, and he will point them out when they get to be too much. Which makes me feel defensive, but I'm learning that he's just making an observation, not questioning my ability to manage the household. So the other day, I got out the vaccum, and started sucking up those webs. I was shocked and embarassed to finally notice these huge, sticky, dust-covered spider webs that have been hanging in full view...how did I not see them? (Did you see them?) And as I vaccumed I mused about how like life these cobwebs can be:

1) Sometimes things pile up, unnoticed, until they are unsightly and overwhelming
2) Sometimes we need someone else to point out the obvious (which may or may not be obvious to us!)
3) Sometimes we need to embrace the truth, and ignore the emotion (yes, in fact, there are cobwebs hanging from every corner in every room of my house. Yes, in fact, I did not see them. However, though I feel like a failure, I am not, in fact, a failure.)
4) Sometimes cleaning up the "cobwebs" is the most satisfying, productive thing to do with your day.

Having finished going through room by room, and feeling a delightful sense of accomplishment, I unplugged the vaccum and began putting it away. And then I saw it. Another cobweb. And the final life lesson came to me in a flash...

5) Sometimes you need to let things go. Yes, it matters that there is a "cobweb" there. But I need to let it go right now and work on the next thing for a while.

And I put the vaccum away.

(Don't worry, I'll catch it the next time Ken has had enough of the cobwebs!)

Love my job

So, it's been one pay period since I began my new job, and I love it. I feel really good about supporting women in their decision to breastfeed, and I really like the women I work with. My hours are totally flexible, and chosen by me. Most of my work is done from home, with minimal need to be away from the kids. And today my boss told me I could bring the kids with me to the office from time to time if I'd like. (She likes to dote on them!) It is such a family friendly place to work. And next week I will get my first paycheck in many years. How exciting is that?

Household help

I just love all the help I get around the house...While I vaccumed the kitchen this morning, Matthew did some disinfecting for me in the basement...with Lysol spray....and he did a REALLY good job!

Hurray for Andrew!

So, I'm not quite sure when a starving artist becomes a successful artist, but my guess would be it's when they sell their artwork. If that's the case, Andrew has joined the ranks of successful artists. He checked in today with the B's Nest, the little gift store in town that agreed to sell his cards, and 4-5 cards have sold since January! The feedback has been very positive, and, needless to say, Andrew is psyched. And yes, Mom is very proud! And mostly because he followed through on the idea. How many of us have an idea--perhaps something zany or outlandish, even--and don't ever act on it? It's fun to see your child taste sweet success. And important for us to allow them to act on these ideas and dreams while we can support them and encourage them and keep them grounded whether it's success... or not so much. Our children grow up so fast, (or so they say). And that's a good thing. Because that's the point. For them to grow up. And for us to nurture and guide them along the way. And let go, in degrees until they are confident and ready to take on the journey with the Lord as their sole guide and nurture.
Hurray for growing up children!
Hurray for beautiful photos!
Hurray for people who want to buy them!
Hurray!

Planting Seeds

I've been doing some planting today....seeds of creativity. As Daniel wanderered from room to room teasing one sibling or another, or complaining "there's nothing to do", I realized he needed a little help to get moving in the right direction. I stopped what I was doing, and took the cushions off the couch. Immediately there was something to do. I planted a seed which grew into an all morning activity. To get his imagination going I put a green blanket on the floor--which became the swamp. The pink blanket--the lava...Seeds for more games and fun with the cushions on the floor. Years ago I heard a teaching about sowing seeds... we are always sowing something. Creativity, love,joy, peace, friendship, impatience, frustration, anger....Sometimes all it takes is a suggestion...a seed...to get my kids moving in the right direction. I usually try to keep a list written of all the things my children can do to keep themselves busy and happy, with little or no help from busy Mama. I think it's time for me to write up a new list. A pocket full of seeds is just what we need to keep away the cabin fever.

Top Ten Reasons We Love Winter Camp

10. It breaks up the monotony of long, cold, winter days.
9. The kids are so tired afterwards they sleep like logs.
8. It's art, gym, music and Bible all in one.
7. The kids are so cooperative all morning because they are so happy to be going.
6. It's a milestone for the little ones when they finally can "officially" go. Dan is so proud!
5. I don't have to cook dinner for two nights in a row!
4. The worship is the best (Emma says it's her favorite part of Winter Camp)
3. The skits are hilarious (and I love how it gets the older teens involved in ministry)
2. Pastor Ben's messages are always inspiring.

And the #1 reason we love winter camp is....

God is there and He touches our hearts.

By the way, still jogging. Not that you need to know that, but I need to write it. :>)

Celebrating~

I got the job! They called me this morning! To say I'm excited is an understatement. I know this is an answer to prayer, and I'm so thankful that God would allow me to have this opportunity to meet new moms, support them, and supplement our income at the same time! It won't be official until Feb 25.

And, just in case you're wondering, but mostly to help me keep in the habit of recording my progress, I jogged again today. And took P. Ben's advice and iced my knee afterward...which really helped! I also stretched it a bit after running, which I think helped, too. Thanks for the good advice and encouragement, P. Ben!

And on a personal note.....in answer to a comment from a "stalker" on my last post....
Michele...I'll forgive you for stalking! :>) Wow...boot camp, eh? Sounds like fun. Outside motivation is definitely helpful. We'll cheer each other on...over the miles, right? Go Michele!! So glad you like the blanket, it was the least we could do after such generous hospitality! The kids talk fondly of Ian and Emma and our visit with you guys. Love to y'all from all of us!

Pluggin' Away

After a four day rest due to knee pain and sick children, I completed Week 2, workout 3. I'm a little off schedule, but that's ok. I think I will have to repeat week 2, anyway. 3 days of no exercise sent me backward a bit and I felt it today. I told Dee, the feeling I have after exercising is almost like the feeling I have after labor, but on a smaller scale. Accomplished, relieved, exhilerated, ecstatic...It must have something to do with endorphins or whatever those chemicals are that wash over our brains.

Matthew is completely potty trained now, except for the precautionary diaper at naptime and bedtime to keep things dry just in case. For the most part, the diaper is dry in the morning, too. I sure wish he was wearing one last night when he went to bed. Ken did the tucking in while I was watching Jon play indoor soccer, and he was so flustered trying to find pajamas (I have one actual pair of pajamas for Matthew, and when they are dirty I use sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but Ken didn't know and I didn't think about it before I left...) that he forgot to put a diaper on him. Poor Matthew waddled into our room last night around midnight, completely soaked and upset~ Ken felt so bad he jumped right up and changed the sheets for me while I changed the boy. He's the greatest. So, the pack of diapers sitting in my living room may very well be the last pack of diapers I buy for one of my own children, ever! I can't imagine a life without diapers. Every day of my life for the last 9 1/2 years has been full of diaper changes for one or two children. I know for some that would be cause for a tear or sniffle or two. But I must say, I am glad to see the diaper season move on.

I'm still waiting to hear back about the peer counselor job, but I think it must be a thanks but no thanks. Maybe I'll call them at the end of the week to find out if they hired someone already. What would you do? I emailed a thank you note (I read online that most employers find that acceptable). Maybe that was the wrong thing to do. My logic was, it's less time consuming and annoying than a phone call, with no effort needed on their part, and quicker than regular mail, which was important because I should have sent it last week. I'm not savvy on these things. Every job interview I've ever been on ended in my getting the job, sometimes on the spot, so I have no personal experience with the excruciating wait after the interview.

And now to figure out what to cook for dinner....

Indoor Days

I took a few snapshots today of the things we do on an indoor day. The calm you see in the picture lasted about 30 minutes. The rest of the day was filled with loud chess games and screaming laughter and wild chases round and round my kitchen. At least most of the chaos was happy. Winter is feeling rather long this year. A thaw is most in order, I think. I can't wait to start cleaning up the mud the kids track in the house--because it means they are loud and screaming and wildly chasing each other outside rather than in.

But in those blessed minutes of peace we played with corn meal in a mini sandbox.....yes, it's immensely messy, but 30 minutes of peace is most worth it!

We did actually get some school work done, too. Some took to their studies more seriously...

than others.....

My chef in training helped me bake cookies...black cookies, as he called them. Dee's recipe for chocolate cookies. Yum!


And I can always count on Matthew to clean up the enormous mess he makes!
I wound up doing my workout today, in my basement. Yes, the actual sight of me jogging in place to the tune of Hillsong was as funny as you might imagine with your mind's eye. Andrew had strict orders to stay in his room and not watch me. I could have jogged on the road, but I'm still not ready for the watchful eyes. Week 2, workout 2, DONE!


No call yet about the Peer Counselor position. Which could mean I didn't get the job. Or it could mean they haven't made a decision yet. (Do the interviewees who don't get the position always get notified?) Or it could mean they couldn't get through because my phone was OFF THE HOOK until 3:30 this afternoon! I'm a most impatient wait-er. I am doing my best to trust that God has it all under control, and if I don't get the position, He has something different planned for me. A few years ago, Dee gave me a devotional book that I love and have found comfort in more times than I can count. Today, as I struggled to be patient and wait for the outcome of my interview, I read the devotional for today, which highlighted the verse "Ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise." And also, "As for me, I will patiently abide always: and will praise Thee more and more." I'm so thankful that God speaks to us in our struggles, and helps us grow because of them. I grew in patience today, minute by minute as I praised the Lord in spite of the sinking feeling in my heart as I watched the clock and no phone call. Perhaps there is still hope...

Today was the day to start week 2 of the jogging program, and let me tell you, there was a bitter struggle with myself. It went like this...

"I should go jog."
"It's snowing. Who jogs when it's snowing?"
"Just get out there and get it done."
"It's too slippery, I already fell once."
"What was I thinking, anyway? I hate running."'
"But I already told everyone I was doing this, I can't quit now."
Nothing like a little accountability (thanks, Dee, for the encouragement to write about it :>)). It really got me moving today. And so, I went to town and jogged 90 sec, walked 2 min, for a total of 20 minutes. That worked out to 7 1/2 minutes of jogging and 12 1/2 minutes of walking. And it felt great.

In other news, this morning I went to my first job interview in 16 years! I can't believe it's been that long...I applied for a position as a Breastfeeding Peer Counselor, and I really hope I get the job. The interview went very well, and I should hear something by the end of the week. The position is great for me in many ways--I love to talk to moms about babies, and it's flexible enough to not interfere with my most important job--mom to 5.
God's will be done.
(Please, God?)
:>)

The balancing act

Yesterday I completed workout 3. I sloshed my way through the melting layer of snow and ice on my driveway, not wanting to allow the bad conditions to be an excuse for skipping the jog. For anyone interested in joining the journey from couch to 5k, here's the link. Tomorrow I will begin week 2, with 90 sec of jogging and 2 minutes of walking. Oh boy....I must say, though, that I already feel a positive difference--I was waking up with aches and pains in my back every morning, and had to stretch and crack things into place--but now I don't wake up with pain, and there is very little "realigning" to do. I think it's because of the muscle that is being built, which is amazing after such a short time of regular exercise.

Now, getting out to exercise has not been an easy matter. And mostly because I am the engine that keeps this home machine running smoothly. It's not always easy to keep things balanced and in perspective. Is exercise an extra in my day, or is it necessity? And reading... Bible reading is most definitely a necessity, and a joy more often than not these days...but what about the classics I find myself drawn to, or the biographies and teaching books I long to read. Is that extra or necessity? Visits with friends, volunteer work in the community... Finding the balance, juggling each of these things without dropping another, finding His heart in the everday decisions I make...God's wisdom is needed, his strength and creativity, all available to me as I seek Him.
So, for now, I've determined exercise is a necessity.
I'll let you know how workout 4 goes.

Workout # 2

So, in keeping with my quest to go from couch to 5k, I ventured out on workout #2 this afternoon. My driveway was way too snowy and icy, however, so I decided to ignore the looks and jog in town while I waited for Dan to be done with preschool. I parked at the Presbyterian church and started my brisk 5 minute walk. A minute later, I had slipped on some ice and pulled a groin muscle (is that too much information?) I couldn't even make it through the brisk walk without injuring myself! I decided not too let that stop me, though, and continued on with the 60 seconds of jogging and the 90 seconds of walking for a full 20 minutes. Just in case you are left with this glorious image of runner with hair streaming in the wind and perfect form, I will tell you I'm sure I look more like I'm pounding the pavement than jogging. It is just barely a jog, more like hop-walking, but a girl's gotta start somewhere, right? I do feel great, now that it's done, and I really like the workout for a couple reasons:
1. I'm so concentrated on keeping track of the 60 sec jog/90 sec walk, that 20 minutes flies by
2. Each week is a more difficult challenge, so it keeps it more like a sport and less like monotonous exercise.
3. I always work harder when there is a goal to meet (get the soccer ball, run to home plate, run the race). It's the competitive side of me.
4. It leaves room to workout every other day, so I can recover from stretched muscles in between. :>)

From couch to 5k

On Sunday afternoon me and 6 other moms took on our 9-10 year olds in a game of indoor soccer. It was the most fun I 've had in years, in spite of the puffing and wheezing that occured. I knew the next day would be a painful reminder of the fun of the previous day, so I was not surprised when my body protested as I got out of bed the next morning. And it was great for me, in many ways, to push myself to play despite my insecurities about the physical shape I am in, and with disregard to the fear that I might hurt myself. I realized that I am capable of much more than I gave myself credit for, and I want to keep pushing myself to do more. So I asked P.Ben about how he started running and he sent me the link for a "couch to 5k" running program. And today I completed Week one, Workout one. When I think of how inconsistent I have been about exercising, I feel a bit embarassed. But today I remembered there is a verse in the Bible that talks about a good man who falls 7 times but always gets up (anybody know where that is?) So, I'm up, and going again. Call me crazy, just don't hate me. :>) Yes, I see you sticking your tongue out at me...yeah, you, I see you! You won't see me running on the road, however. No, jogging, for me, must be a private affair for a while. But I just may run in a race when all is said and done. From barely moving to running a race. How's that for a turn around? And all because my son is on a soccer team. Thank God for our kids--they quite literally keep us moving!

This Day

Finding joy in:
** Happy, successful ventures to the potty with Matthew who went most of the day with no diaper!!
** Letters and pics from family in the mail
** A peaceful husband who enjoyed his day at work
** The giggles of a little girl having fun with her older brother
** Watching Jon play his heart out at indoor soccer
** A little guy who makes sure to tell me at least 5 times a day and more, "I love you Mama. You're the best."
** Watching my oldest grow into the capable young man who took care of putting dinner on the table for me in my absence tonight!
** Friends to laugh and celebrate with (or cry and commiserate with, whatever the case may be!)

Praying for:
**Oma, who is in the hospital undergoing tests after experiencing chest pain and difficulty breathing. She is feeling better, and we hope she will be going home tomorrow.
**God's hand of provision for loved ones with needs, as well as ourselves
** Loved ones who need the Lord
** Wisdom

Meditating on:
** "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." James 4:8
He's close enough to hear me whisper, to hear my heart beat, and I'm enjoying His presence in a greater way these days.

Hoping to:
** Be hired as a Breastfeeding Peer Counselor. I applied last week and I'm waiting to hear.
** Play more indoor soccer after having so much fun scrimmaging Jonathan's team on Sunday.
** Set some personal reading goals and develop my own reading list after seeing one posted on a blog.

Needing to:
** Buy a new refrigerator. Ken went to dish out ice cream tonight and found soup instead.
** Put laundry away.
** End this blog, or I will just go on and on!

A new business venture

After some encouragement from Aunt Lori, Andrew has begun a new business venture. Today he brought some note cards he made to the local gift shop and asked if they would be interested in selling them. On the front of each card is one of the beautiful pictures he has taken of things in nature that caught his eye. The owner of the gift shop agreed to give them a try, and was very helpful with some constructive criticism and information about selling. I'm excited for him, and confident that, whatever the outcome, this is a great learning experience. Here are some of the pictures he used:

Each card is made from white card stock (what we had available at the time). He printed his info on the back of each page, then folded it in half and pasted the picture on. The inside is blank. We bought colored envelopes to increase the eye appeal. I'm probably biased, but I would most definitely buy these cards if I were to see them in a store. Nice work, Andrew!

4th photo

The rules:
1) Choose the 4th photo folder

2)Choose the 4th photo in the folder

3) Post pic and explain

4) Tag 4 more people



We had a bumper crop of zuchini this summer, and to show the size of this one we let Matthew hold it. I think this is the one the boys named "Bean". This zuchini sat on a shelf in my pantry and was subjected to all sorts of escapades. He actually took on a personality and hung around for about a month, escaping the looming doom of whatever boy was chanting, "kill bean"! For whoever chanted that would be met by the cavalry (everyone else, including Emma), ready to defend their friend, "Bean". Many a time throughout the day I would send the rambunctious boys and "Bean" outside..what a troublemaker ..."Bean", that is! He met his demise in the compost pile behind the house. May he rest in peace.
And now I tag anyone else who reads this post who has not already been tagged!

Robins?

As I sat and looked out my window this morning, I witnessed about 30 robins....yes, robins....land in the little tree in my side yard. They don't stand still for long, probably to keep themselves from freezing solid! They fly to the tree, then fly away. Some brave souls actually hop around under the tree, searching the snow for something to eat. I think they are eating the little crab apples. How bizarre, in these, the coldest days of the winter, to see the symbol of Spring that warms my heart so in the long, drawn out days of February or March. Fly away, friends! Come back when Spring is really just around the corner!

All work and no play makes Mama a dull Mama

This is a most challenging season of life for me. There's just no getting around that fact. The need for me to be diligent with discipline and housework and schoolwork is at a crescendo right now. I'm reminded of a poem dear Oma wrote about the pull on a mother in so many directions that little seems to be left of herself at the end of the day. I can relate. And I have to fight the "I wish" syndrome. The "if only" syndrome. To be content in all things, in every circumstance, is a worthy goal I am working toward. And I find myself there these days, content to face a new day of discipline, and housework and schoolwork. And allowing myself some creature comforts along the way....some time in the Word, a cup of hot cocoa, a chapter in the latest book on my nighttable, time to write a few thoughts on my blog, a phone call, a visit, time outside with the kids, a sit in a comfy chair to watch the snowflakes fall. Sometimes it's 5 minutes, and other times a bit longer, but these are the things that help me enjoy the day. Like the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
And Mama a dull Mama.

Excuse me, my 5 minutes are up and back to discipline I must go!

And so...

another year has passed. I love the holidays, but this year I'm excited to move on. The new year promises a new perspective, some new challenges, new ideas, and renewed motivation to carry on with the tasks already begun...I brought out the school planner this afternoon, After a much needed hiatus we will resume where we left off in earnest starting Monday. The kids don't realize it, but they crave the routine that comes with study as much as I do. It's time to put in some serious study time while the weather is less condusive for outside play. Ken has begun a new project...he will be making a heated workshop and office in the barn! We started the process of relocation and removal of "stuff" this afternoon. We are both excited about this new project. His office now is in a dark corner of the basement. No windows, no walls, and no way to get away from the pitter patter (actually, more like pounding!) of little feet on the floor above. He deserves a fabulous office, and with some inspiration from his brother in Florida, and some cool old things found in the barn, it promises to be so. 2009 is off to a great start.